Twister Act 2: Back in the Habit

(The habit of chasing tornadoes)

What would possibly be more exciting than one tornado? TWO TORNADOES! SISTER TWISTERS! SWISTERS! And also a FIRE TWISTER because WHY NOT?!

Oh hello, I went to see TWISTERS in IMAX and it was a fucking blast. I frequently GRABBED MY OWN FACE in suspense! I had such a great time! I can now say that a type of CGI I am fully on board with is the type that shows me big fucking tornadoes and also the inside of a tornado! Now, was I buzzed on vodka and lemonade at the time? Yes! Do I still think this is an extremely fun film to see on a huge screen regardless of sobriety levels? Absolutely yes!

First of all, Glen Powell! I like him! He has a Big Face which is good for a movie star, he’s obsessed with his fancy little dog (Brisket!), which is very endearing, and he nailed this tongue twister challenge thing so incredibly hard¹, which was very sexy of him. A friend of mine once remarked that I definitely don’t have a type, considering my husband looks like a cheerful Viking and we were talking about fancying Kieran Culkin as Roman Roy at the time. And it’s true! I appreciate all kinds of hot people! From sturdy bearded types (David Harbour as Santy) to grumpy baseball players (Lupe Garcia my beloved!). And Glen Powell is hot and charismatic and seems like fun! I have to say I’m 100% good with him being the new Guy Who’s In Everything, particularly if it means I don’t have to be looking at Chris Pratt.

Also I was very happy to discover that Glen Powell is thirty five years old, as I simply do not have it in me to fancy someone in their twenties, now that I am Actually Forty. If I could feasibly be their mam then I just can’t do it, lads.

So, to Twisters! Although there is supposedly no connection to 1996’s Twister, the opening sequence features the big metal Dorothy yoke with the little ball things (I’m a scientist) with wings made of Pepsi cans in the first film, i.e. the exact technology they used in ‘96 but with ne’er a mention of Helen Hunt or Bill Paxton’s characters! All they needed was a throwaway line about Dr Jo Harding maybe working for the university or something and I’d have been like cool! Nice!

Anyway. Daisy Edgar Jones’s character Kate seemingly has a gift. A gift that allows her to predict the weather, much like Karen’s boobs in Mean Girls. She’s out of the tornado chasing game until her old pal Javi drags her back into it, and seems weirdly annoyed at her for having PTSD after barely surviving an F5 twister several years previously. Javi’s tornado chasing team are an all-male bunch of nerds in polo shirts, featuring Tall Nerd who doesn’t like that Kate is part of the gang now, because he’s the weather predicting data guy, and here she comes with her unexplained magical Karen’s boobs power, being right all the time. I was referring to the actor as Shein Henry Cavill in my head while watching and then later discovered he’s the new Superman?? Fair play to me, I was bang on with that one.

We are soon introduced to the rival gang of tornado-chasers, led by Glen Powell in a cowboy hat, and it’s made clear that we are not supposed to like this crew because they’re LOUD and sell MERCH and are YOUTUBERS. Okay, being YouTubers does make them a bit annoying in fairness, but they have cool lesbians on the team so it evens out! They’re joined by a journalist who is along for the ride and writing a story on their antics and I guess they couldn’t get David Hyde Pierce so they got this guy instead. My friend and I were joking about who the uptight pantsuit lady would be, because this film is advertised as being “from the producers of Jurassic World” (which, ugh) and it turned out that the uptight pantsuit lady was instead an uptight pantsuit man!

Of course, the two teams clash while chasing tornadoes and variously trick each other into going the wrong way, run each other off the road, you know, your classic enemies-to-lovers carry on. Except not really, because for some insane reason Kate and Cowboy Glen Powell do not kiss. I was actually glad that I had this information going in because I would have been so annoyed otherwise. They even filmed a kiss and then cut it! What the fuck Spielberg, I just want to talk!! Apparently it was taken out because they felt it would be predictable or make it seem like Kate’s journey was all leading up to getting a boyfriend. Well I DISAGREE and think they should have ridden (rode?) in her science barn (not a euphemism) and her achievements would still stand!

In lieu of any kissing or riding, we do get Glen Powell walking out into the rain in a cowboy hat and white t-shirt like a Levi’s ad from the 90s, and I will admit, it was ART.

Twisters is a great time although it’s actually almost funny how they seem to go out of their way not to say the words climate change at all ever throughout the film. Kate’s mam (a waste of Maura Tierney tbh, if you’ve got Maura then use her properly!) makes a comment about how erratic the weather has become and how the storms have gotten worse and it’s almost said with a suggestion of “if only we knew how to alleviate this, too bad there is simply no way!!”

As well as climate change not being discovered yet, it also takes place in an America where no-one is racist and there’s no Confederate flags at the rodeo, which is nice. The rodeo itself is quite gas and at one point as our two leads are starting to warm to each other, it features a lady all decked out in head to toe stars ‘n stripes on a HORSE, carrying an AMERICAN FLAG that’s shooting FIREWORKS out of it. I can only assume that at this point in the 4D screenings someone throws a hot dog directly at your face while doing an eagle screech.

So yes, Twisters is tremendous fun. If you like spectacle and action and handsome guys and BIG FUCKIN TORNADOES then you’ll have a great time! (I also feel like I should add the caveat that I sincerely and genuinely love Demolition Man and Battleship, so this is the taste level we’re dealing with here.) Go see it on the biggest screen you can find, maybe throw in a cheeky bit of booze/edibles/whatever your preference may be and you’ll have a lovely time!

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Parish notes:

• A good four years after everyone else, myself and Aengus have been playing Hades and oh my god lads, turns out everyone was right, it’s so good! I particularly like how the character design brief was basically “make everyone as sexy as possible” and it’s funny too! Love to run into the office and annoy the hardworking shades with inspirational quotes. They hate that guy so much!

• I know that a trailer has been released for the Beetlejuice sequel but I have not sought it out. Not out of any contrariness now, Beetlejuice is one of my absolute favourite films and I’m not too worried about the sequel, apart from my usual ambient fear that Fred Armisen might show up, as he is wont to do. So many things I have otherwise enjoyed have had a sudden jumpscare, blam, here’s Fred doing a stupid fucking accent for no reason. Anyway I’ve decided not to seek out too much about Beetlejuice Beetlejuice before I actually get to see it. But also, I did enjoy this bit of promo marketing for it very much. It’s clever!

  

• Lads, I am fully BET INTO the Olympics. I will watch any random sport that I know absolutely nothing about if there’s an Irish participant. Rowing? I’m there. Boxing? You got it. Canoe slalom? Say no more. I am now a badminton girl and avidly following the progress of Dublin’s own Nhat Nguyen. Due to my now-established position on people in their twenties I sound like an elderly aunt when I talk about him, but he is so TALENTED and FAST and HANDSOME, and I really hope he makes it out of his group because he’s just brilliant! Ah sports! I was welling up watching Sligo’s Mona McSharry get her bronze medal in swimming! I was YELLING during the semi-final of the men’s double sculls in rowing! Irish Olympians, I am so proud of you all!!

• The news broke this morning that Francine Pascal, the creator of Sweet Valley High passed away on Sunday at the age of 92. Many of you probably know that I co-host a Sweet Valley High podcast with Anna Carey so it’s fair to say that Sweet Valley has been a huge part of my life for a long time. I think it may call for its own newsletter post in time but for now, R.I.P to a real one.

1. Thank you to Beth for finding this video for me super quickly after I’d spent ages searching Twitter unable to locate it again. Also, the “come on guys, I’m Glen Fucking Powell” at the end?? I’m WEAK.