I’ll admit, at first I only had a passing interest in Gladiator II. I was most likely going to see it anyway, and I was happy for all the Paul Mescal girlies with every new behind-the-scenes photo of him looking grimy and smoking fags between takes with that bauld head on him. But then PEDRO PASCAL? Then DENZEL? Then THAT TRAILER? With the BOATS in the COLOSSEUM? Okay Ridley, you got me.
However, on that trailer, I admit that I stopped watching after two minutes once it felt like I was getting the whole entire story. Around the point that I was going Ooh! A fighting lady! swiftly followed by Oh no, fighting lady dies?? So on one hand, TMI, trailer! But on the other, I will absolutely be seated for this in the cinema, all it had to do was show me some cool shit and Pedro swanning around as General Bad Guy (I think? I’m not 100% sure, the noise I made may have drowned out whatever exposition was happening. I also hissed the work fuck more than I would like to admit) and I was in. Snaximus Daddymus Merideius over here.1
I’m also so down to see Denzel Game of Thronesing around the gaff in a toga and an earring, plottin’ and schemin’ and pulling strings like no man’s business. The trailer opening with him cackling and definitely up to divilment? Now that’s cinema, baby.
I was surprised to see flashbacks to Russell Crowe in it, and had kind of assumed it was going to be an unrelated story like the new Twister film will be - which I find a bit rude, get Helen Hunt on the phone ffs! - but will also be looking forward to. It appears that Paul Mescal’s character was a little boy in the Colosseum during Maximus’s big final battle, then ~things happened~ and now he too is a gladiator.
Also the emperors in this one are a double act of syphilitic looking little weirdos, one of whom is played by Joseph Quinn, and by god the Tumblr girlies will have their work cut out for them on this one.
It’s also very funny that Men on the Internet have been getting wound up about the trailer on Twitter, citing anachronisms and how ridiculous it is to have Jay-Z sound-tracking Colosseum fights and senate meetings. It’s Gregorian chanting or nothing for these lads! Other complaints have included the accents and the fact that Denzel seemingly has his own American one so why can’t Paul Mescal use his Kildare one? Well maybe because Celts existed at the time and New York didn’t? Also, shut up? I’m excited for something historical and fun and colourful that’s going to include lots of mad shit that actually happened, which in my opinion is the best kind of historical story! The Colosseum naval battles and rhinos are all accurate so who cares about Denzel sounding like the Equalizer! We need more fun history! There’s so much crazy historical shit that seems like it must be made up but then it turns out that it actually happened. With all the dry stuff we learned in school about WB Yeats, it took seeing someone mention it on Twitter a few years ago before I learned that he kicked Aleister Crowley down a flight of stairs in a MAGIC FIGHT. Arguably the best thing he ever did! Possibly the only good thing he did in his personal life, the big creep! Anyway, the only downside to all of this is that we have to wait until November before Gladiator II is out. Booo!
Parish notes:
I’ve been watching America’s Sweethearts, the Netflix doc about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, and I was ready to storm the Cowboys corporate offices after twenty minutes of episode one. The absolute CHEEK of the team owner’s daughter, who is the owner of the Cheerleaders brand, insisting that these women who work incredibly hard and dedicate their every waking moment to the squad and FUCK UP THEIR HIPS AND JOINTS at the age of TWENTY TWO because of the intensity of the routines don’t actually need to be paid that much because it’s such a PRIVILEGE to be on the squad? A demon. I don’t know why I’m surprised, but evil absolutely pours off her, her dad, her whole rotten family. Funny how the footballers are paid fucking millions for achieving their dreams and not just given a pat on the head and told they’re lucky to be there! I’m so invested in the girls auditioning (for a panel of judges such as a hairdresser, a man from the boot factory, a local WEATHERMAN, I was shrieking at the nonsense of it all) and those who made the cut and I want so much better for them. They go through all of this outrageous hardship and bullshit to get their spot on DCC and are then treated like dirt for the year before they have to audition ALL OVER AGAIN for the next season! I need Victoria to bail on this toxic job and go be a Rockette in New York, I need those girls to unionise fucking PRONTO, and I need that CEO bitch to be hunted for sport.
After saying I’d enjoyed Bodkin recently, my lovely pal Aideen recommended Deadloch on Prime as being “kind of like Bodkin but better (very gay)” and she was right on all counts! A small town in Tasmania has some murder going on, but it’s a mismatched buddy cop angle rather than podcast-making and it’s GREAT.
I was a guest on the excellent and funny feminist history podcast Vulgar History this week and last week (and also next week), talking about my favourite girlo and the Jessica Wakefield of Georgian Dublin, Peg Plunkett, aka Margaret Leeson. She was a sex worker, a brothel owner and a full-time gas bitch. I just absolutely love her and think we should knock down Richard Crosbie’s statue in Ranelagh (Ireland’s first aeronaut and an absolute prick) and put one of her up instead for reasons that are very very fucking clear in her story. Also thanks to VH host Ann for the recent shoutout in her newsletter!
There were many things I typed and then deleted about ol’ Pedro, because there’s a good chance my mother will read this. Hi Mam!
FrantheMam says 'go for it'...
I never would have thought I wanted to see Gladiator 2 and wouldn't have even watched the preview if it wasn't for this, but now I'm definitely going to see it, so thank you for your service. Also very excited to hear you liked Deadloch - much like the Irish, Australians loved to be mentioned, and it's especially exciting when we're mentioned for an actual good thing! A friend of mine played the Ray Pies character, so I feel an extra little bit of attachment to it!